Excerpt from “CHAPTER ELEVEN: CHASERS & STALKERS” of my memoir TRANSGENDER SEX, LOVE & DATING DISASTERS IN HOLLYWOOD, A MEMOIR out now in eight languages on Amazon.
I’ve had a handful of the same guys try to talk to me on multiple platforms at the same time. For some reason, they think if I didn’t reply on one account, I’m gonna reply on a second or a third. In some instances, I’ve had to be very direct and say thanks for your interest and messages however we are not a match, please do not contact me further. I always feel bad when someone can’t just take the hint but then there are those assholes who refuse to take no for an answer. That’s something I will never understand, it’s not like we’re haggling for a used car. It’s literally about sexual attraction and a lack thereof on my part for them. That said I now just block people who aren’t respectful of my preferences.
There was one guy who at first, I just thought was a harmless chaser, turns out he was an actual stalker. Yeah not cool.
I always hide my exact location on dating profile grids, but the unfortunate thing is that even if you do that and someone gets in your general vicinity, they can still infer a closeness to your proximity. I experienced this firsthand and it was frightening. At the time I was using two dating apps, both had location grids. I often get messages from people trying to start conversations, or buzzes to get my attention. If I’m interested or curious, I’ll reciprocate with some form of response, if I don’t most people take the hint.
Being one of a few queer trans guys of a certain age in my area, it’s not uncommon for me to ignore a few messages every day. I noticed this one guy had buzzed me from about 2,000 miles away. I was not interested. He then immediately followed up with a message calling me sexy or something like that. I deleted it and went on about my day. An hour later I get another buzz from the same guy. I think to myself, ok maybe he’ll stop. Nope this goes on for a few days. Then he follows my linked Instagram account and tries DMing me on there.
Then I notice he’s started to change his profile name, one day it read “Moving to LA”, then “Eight Days Until LA” and so on and so on. One day I get a buzz from him and his profile name reads “New in Town”. Ugh. I hope he’s not gonna end up being super weird. Wouldn’t you know, turns out he ends up being creepy af.
I started to get scared and went from posting my Instastories in real-time around the neighborhood to only posting videos from inside my house. I had a bad feeling and didn’t want this dude tracking where I would hang out. I got worried because I had posted about my gym at the time and then had to have an uncomfortable conversation and let them know about this dude. I said if anyone came there asking for me it was probably him and to please not let him in because I was scared.
He then started to message and tap me regularly on another dating platform. The scary thing about this other platform was that it would read the distance proximity in feet. One night I noticed he was close in the grid it read 1 mile and then it moved to 1.2 miles but then later that evening it read 995 feet, then 661 feet. I felt at that point like I was being hunted. It made me uneasy, then it read 300 feet. I thought to myself, “Is this fucker going up and down my street to see where my place is because he can see me on the grid but not my exact location?” Then it read 200 feet and I blocked him. I was totally freaked out.
The problem was that he was still following my public Instagram account and because I have so many people on there and deleted his DMs, I had no idea what his screen name was and couldn’t block him. So, I did what any other Internet personality would do. I recorded a video and uploaded it to my Instastories. I let everyone know why I changed how I was doing my stories. I said that I was scared because I was being messaged aggressively on multiple platforms by someone who refused to take the hint and that I was worried for my safety.
Luckily that’s all it seemed to take for him to stop. I saw that he watched the story and then was able to block him from my Instagram. Now maybe he was harmless and just socially not that sharp, but I wasn’t about to risk finding out.
I’m happy to say that I exclusively use Scruff now and have never had anything but a great respectful experience there.
If you’ve enjoyed this memoir excerpt from TRANSGENDER SEX, LOVE & DATING DISASTERS IN HOLLYWOOD, A MEMOIR consider downloading the ebook on Amazon and/or please consider sharing, and/or connect with me on Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn.
ABOUT DYLAN THOMAS COTTER
Dylan Thomas Cotter is a proud transgender activist, artist, bestselling author, motivational speaker, influencer, bodybuilder and creative marketing strategist with the proven ability to lead innovative campaigns, creative direction and content partnerships for the world’s leading entertainment brands, pop culture icons, Fortune 500 companies, and startups.