At some point in all our lives we are faced with the decision whether to forgive those who have wronged us in some capacity or not. For a large part of my nearly 37 years, I’ve struggled with this. What I’ve experienced in my life is that sometimes the weight I’ve actually needed to lose was not on my body.
“Only the gentle are ever really strong.” – James Dean
I was not able to fully step into my power until I was able to surrender to forgiveness. In order for my INTJ personality to fully make sense of it, I had to relate it to strategy. What would be my end result of releasing blame and not having someone be held accountable for the injustices? How could I quantify the return on forgiveness? Energetically.
I simply can’t level up in life if I hang onto all the bad things that have happened or the things people have said about me. In saying that, I had to surrender to forgiving them for their ignorance. I’ve surrendered in forgiving those who have chosen to focus on my imperfections, those who seek to devalue me, those who speak negatively about me out of their own insecurity jealousness and/or ignorance.
I have had to practice forgiveness in order to strengthen and raise my energetic vibration and attract more success, opportunities, growth, positive relationships, and good vibes in general. On my part I can attest that it’s taken a ton of self-work to be able to practice forgiveness partnered with detachment for toxic relationships. It was not been easy at first, however, it has been worth it.
This is how I presently process my forgiveness strategy:
- After feeling my initial feelings, I have to take a step back and acknowledge the situation/people involved.
- I have to ask is there an opportunity for understanding on the other person’s end. Can there possibly be a new teachable moment here that I wish to engage in? Or are we having an ongoing issue?
- If there is not any acknowledgment on their end, I have to ask myself how staying in resentment will make me feel. The answer is always the same – not good. I acknowledge that I can and will not be able to elevate my energy by staying in resentment.
- I then have a conscious decision to make that will affect my energy. I realize I have to surrender to forgiveness. I have to decide to which degree can I manage this forgiveness and realistically long-term be ok with it.
- I ask myself is it time to make my forgiveness it actionable? I assess by making a note to change my interaction behavior patterns, sometimes this just means putting some time and space between myself and the person. When I release them and myself from the tension and stifled energy, I am able to make space for new positive energy to enter my life.
- If it’s a reoccurrence with this individual, I ask myself, can I forgive and release the energy again while keeping some form of relationship, or is it just time to detach?
Letting go often for me has equated to leveling up to some degree. You see, I’ve experienced both covert and overt attempts at character assassination in retaliation from people not necessarily getting what they’ve wanted out of me at some point whether it has been romantically, professionally, etc.
I used to get upset when this would happen because for the most part, I like to consider myself a pretty decent and friendly human being. Living in Los Angeles the word “friend” gets thrown around a lot and it’s never a surprise to me at this point how unfriendly some people can become upon hearing the word “no”.
At nearly 37, I am well adept at recognizing arrested development and personality limitations while still having the ability to forgive while remaining secure enough in myself to enact the latter part of my strategy in order to protect my energy.
I take the time to process, address, release the bad energy, and keep it moving. You can not bring in abundance, success, and growth by holding on to grudges and hate.
“When they go low, we go high.” – Michelle Obama
When some people do not get what they want out of you, they will attempt to destroy your image, tarnish your reputation publicly however they will never be able to take away the goodness you have put into the world. Your good actions can never be taken away no matter how they try to describe you because you will still be admired by those who truly know you better. Real recognize real.
Your light will always shine through even when the darkness of those less evolved attempt to engulf you in their negativity.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mahatma Gandhi
We forgive the weak because they do not know better. We lift the weight of them from our spirit and become stronger.
I forgive those who’ve wronged me and will never acknowledge doing so. I release them from it because they are incapable of expressing their faults. I forgive them not for them – for me. For me peace and growth.
As an exercise write it out to affirm it. A habit is said to established after 28 days. For 28 days, I challenge you, get a journal, and write it out for 28 days. Try it and let me know how it works.
I step into my power when I:
- I forgive those who choose to speak poorly about me simply because we have a disagreement rather than acknowledge the positive work we created together. I recognize my goodness and honor my personal and professional boundaries.
- I forgive those who seek to judge and speak poorly of me behind my back while presenting otherwise to my face assuming I am unaware. I honor myself by addressing the issue, forgiving, and moving on.
- I forgive those who have spoken to me in hatred for my sexual and gender identity. I forgive their ignorance and send them love.
- I forgive my abusers for they truly need a Karmic cleanse. I honor my mental strength and resiliency.
- I forgive myself for self-medicating for many years rather than addressing my gender identity. I acknowledge my shortcomings and draw kinder energy and respect to my body through healthy living.
- I forgive myself for not leaving abusive relationships sooner. I honor my self-worth and healing by setting personal boundaries.
I am not what happened to me. You don’t have to be what happened to you either. I choose to harness the power of forgiveness to make my spirit and vibration lighter. In my forgiveness of others I allow and clear space to attract positive new experiences and relationships into my life as that is what I deserve and how I protect my energy.
I know you’re strong. Give it a try and let me know how it works out.
ABOUT DYLAN THOMAS COTTER
Dylan Thomas Cotter is a proud transgender activist, artist, bestselling author, motivational speaker, influencer, bodybuilder and creative marketing strategist with the proven ability to lead innovative campaigns, creative direction and content partnerships for the world’s leading entertainment brands, pop culture icons, Fortune 500 companies, and startups.