As a gay transgender liberal man in Hollywood, I’ve witnessed far too many self-proclaimed “liberal” cisgender heterosexual women becoming way too comfortable with weaponizing anti-gay language.
Ladies, this isn’t classy behavior.
You’ll see them call any man ‘gay’ that they intend as an insult simply for not acting how they would like them to. My gay identity is not an insult; it is a fact of which I am proud to be because I had to survive to arrive at my peace as it relates to both my sexuality and gender identity. When a cisgender heterosexual woman uses the word gay as an insult, she can never claim that she is anything but homophobic.
You do not get a pass because you “have gay friends,” because if you do, those gay friends have been sold a nasty, ignorant, homophobic lemon who thinks their gay sexuality is something to be ashamed of and insulted by.
The weaponization of gay male sexuality that happens when “liberal” cisgender women don’t have things go exactly their way in the workplace and/or in other areas of their lives is a firm indication of the tokenization that many a gay male friend of these “liberal” cisgender women do not actually see, and that’s by design as they may actually never see this side of their cis-het female friends unless they work with them or are providing them a service. That tends to be where the belittling of sexuality happens most frequently with these types of ‘liberal’ cis-het women; that, or if their men do anything outside of the stereotypical behaviors of those who present as masculine.
Frankly put, when ‘liberal” women weaponize homophobic language, it’s not a laughing matter.
How many times have these types of “liberal” women been beaten or shot at regarding their own sexualities?
Most likely never.
Well, some of us gay and transgender men have.
We have been physically, psychologically, and verbally attacked for our sexualities, and for some, that started in childhood.
As gay men who have lived through trauma and anti-gay hate, we do not see humor in the weaponization of our identities; it’s not fucking funny. We immediately clock you as someone not to be trusted, as you will end up placing us in some form of uncomfortableness and/or danger at some point if you do not respect our sexual and gender identities.
That said, if you speak homophobia out into the world, do not be shocked when you are rightfully called out for it.
Again, I’ve met many an unsuccessful ‘liberal” cisgender woman in Hollywood who speaks in this manner; the reality is I do not surround myself with stupidity and/or hate, so it’s a quick, direct verbal clock and never to be spoken to again.
I will say one of my first introductions to this behavior happened while I was employed at an agency that deemed itself a decent team. Here’s the thing: if you have to say it multiple times over in the beginning, you probably aren’t it, because if you’re gonna be about it, be fucking about it. So, at this office, anytime a man didn’t do exactly what the cisgender heterosexual females in the office wanted them to, it was “twink” this and “messy bottom,” that, purposely delivered in derogatory connotations, meanwhile going back and forth about talking about attending their gay male friend’s wedding. As the sole combo gay transgender man in that office, I felt sorry for the gay friends that they didn’t clock the actual thinly hidden homophobia of my cisgender-heterosexual female co-workers as their supposed “friend”.
We’ve seen this behavior not just in the office, though; we’ve seen it in the media as well; for instance, a certain former Housewife of a particular franchise decided to drop the clearly homophobic “cock sucker” phrase on a red carpet interview when being asked about a gay man with whom she was apparently disagreeing. The thing is, for these self-proclaimed “liberal” women, their personal brands are far from what they proclaim to be. I couldn’t imagine calling one gay man a cock sucker, meanwhile having my checks signed by another gay man and kissing his ass for money and visibility while also spitting out homophobic microaggressions.
But maybe that’s just me.
All I know is that until the gay ‘besties’ have actually worked with their ‘liberal’ cisgender heterosexual female friends, don’t be so quick to believe their allyship, for it may just be rainbow-washing optics to keep up appearances and to throne relevance off of that happens a lot here in Hollywood.
So that said, ‘liberal’ ladies of Hollywood, class it up, and until you do, stop seeking to benefit from the talents of gay men until you actually respect our identities 100% of the time.
ABOUT DYLAN THOMAS COTTER:
Rebel with a cause, driven by authenticity, self-expression, and liberation for all.
Dylan Thomas Cotter is a strategist, public relations leader, and brand communications executive with more than fifteen years of experience at the intersection of entertainment, media, and technology.
Cotter is known for securing numerous Tier 1 (top-tier) and Tier 2 media placements across key markets including but not limited to GQ, Rolling Stone, Out Magazine, The Advocate, Pride, Inked Magazine, Real Simple, VICE, KTLA, Reader’s Digest, Mashable, Yahoo! News, Yahoo! Life UK, Newsweek, Men’s Health, Parade Magazine, Betches, U.S. News & World Report, Women’s Health Magazine, NursingColleges.com, Women.com, South China Morning Post, Truthout, MIC, The Manual, Curl Magazine, International Business Times UK, TechRound, GB News, The Irish Star US, The Mirror, MSN and AOL.
Cotter is an advisor to founders, artists, and executives on brand positioning, reputation, corporate social responsibility, and strategic communications. As an openly gay transgender professional, Dylan Thomas Cotter is committed to fostering inclusive, respectful, and affirming work environments.
His latest book, THINK LIKE A TRANSGENDER THOUGHT LEADER, is out now, and his memoir, TRANSGENDER & TRIGGERING THE LIFE OF DYLAN THOMAS COTTER, is available now at Barnes & Noble, Harvard Book Store, Book Soup, and Skylight Books, amongst other fine retailers, and is distributed worldwide through IngramSpark.