Before your relatives casually drop the “Happy Pride” comments this month and immediately change the subject, leaving out the acknowledgment of your partner, yet again, ask yourself why they wouldn’t extend that same gesture of inclusion to your partner as one half of the gay couple that you are a part of. And then ask yourself: have they ever actually shown your partner respect?
How your family treats your partner reflects how much or little they support your relationship and value your own identity and feelings.
Consider this hard truth. Perhaps some family members who say “Happy Pride” don’t really mean it. Perhaps they are rainbow-washing their hoovering words and providing the bare minimum when it comes to your identity and relationship to keep you in contact, while concurrently implementing a poor PR tactic attempting to appear as if they are not homophobic.
I will tell you from experience, it happens on both sides.
Basing your family’s actions on how they make or do not make an effort to welcome in and treat your partner with respect, rather than on their words that are solely focused on yearly event themes, will reflect their true level of respect or disrespect for both you and your partner’s relationship, identities, and future together as a loving gay couple.
When a family’s words and actions do not align, it’s like deceptive marketing: people sense it; it’s an indicator that someone is deliberately misrepresenting themselves as an ally to mask their true hatred.
As a proud gay transgender man, I understand homophobia as a condition that afflicts the most ignorant in society; what I don’t quite understand is the people who continue to speak to their gay family members as if they do not move intentionally through this world with hate in their hearts and homophobia year-round.
LEARN MORE: 15 Signs a Romantic Partner’s Family Is Homophobic
ABOUT DYLAN THOMAS COTTER:
Rebel with a cause, driven by authenticity, self-expression, and liberation for all.
Dylan Thomas Cotter is a strategist, public relations leader, and brand communications executive with more than fifteen years of experience at the intersection of entertainment, media, and technology.
Cotter is known for securing numerous Tier 1 (top-tier) and Tier 2 media placements across key markets including but not limited to GQ, Rolling Stone, Out Magazine, The Advocate, Pride, Inked Magazine, Real Simple, VICE, KTLA, Reader’s Digest, Mashable, Yahoo! News, Yahoo! Life UK, Newsweek, Men’s Health, Parade Magazine, Betches, U.S. News & World Report, Women’s Health Magazine, NursingColleges.com, Women.com, South China Morning Post, Truthout, MIC, The Manual, Curl Magazine, International Business Times UK, TechRound, GB News, The Irish Star US, The Mirror, MSN and AOL.
Cotter is an advisor to founders, artists, and executives on brand positioning, reputation, corporate social responsibility, and strategic communications. As an openly gay transgender professional, Dylan Thomas Cotter is committed to fostering inclusive, respectful, and affirming work environments.
His latest book, THINK LIKE A TRANSGENDER THOUGHT LEADER, is out now, and his memoir, TRANSGENDER & TRIGGERING THE LIFE OF DYLAN THOMAS COTTER, is available now at Barnes & Noble, Harvard Book Store, Book Soup, and Skylight Books, amongst other fine retailers, and is distributed worldwide through IngramSpark.