Trigger Warning: Psychopathy, Transphobia, Homophobia, Discrimination
Now, I know a thing or two about having professional sabotage attempts made upon my career because I have worked with two psychopathic cisgender heterosexual women in Hollywood in this condition.
Chances are, if you live here, you have at some point as well. That said, I’m gonna share some lived experience on the matter in the hopes it will highlight what overachievers of a marginalized identity can potentially incur from unwell business colleagues when the marginalized overachievers are gay and transgender and possess a professional skill set that far surpasses that of their cisgender supervisors and/or business clients who suffer from both professional and personal insecurities.
Being an intellectual gay transgender career professional, I have had to work ten times harder, for it appears nearly regularly ten times less the opportunity in my professional career since beginning my physical transition in 2016. Now that you have this context, let’s jump right in.
Hell hath no fury like a homophobic, transphobic, psychopathic woman attempting to conceal her true hateful identity from the world.
For this article, I will be discussing that in the form of two cisgender heterosexual women in business that I have had the misfortune of dealing with, as that is where I have incurred the most unhinged psychopathic treatment in the workplace thus far in my career.
Oh yes, my fellow AFAB people, we are gonna discuss the tell-tale traits of cisgender psychopathy as it materialized in the workplace, what that was like, and how some of my workplace experiences with these two cisgender women have mirrored some of those alarming traits of psychopathy reflected in the movie Single White Female.
If you are not familiar with the 1992 film, the most alarming traits of the main psychopathic villain are as follows: obsessive mirroring, secretive snooping, extreme jealousy, violent impulses, gaslighting, and identity theft. That said, let’s explore the personas of these subjects in detail.
Personas of Subject A and Subject B:
Subject A
A salaried cis-het supervisor, working alongside their boyfriend within a corporation of which they do not own, she is a younger Millenial than myself, slightly below average intelligence level, states that she is politically liberal, assumes and communicates many a gay stereo type in my direction while proclaiming to have “gay friends”, to be forever known as the manger who said “we can’t be gay” after leaving a client meeting amongst numerous other instances. Facilitates a working environment where gay and trans “jokes” and microaggressions do anything but thrive and continue throughout the duration of my employment.
Unqualified to lead an inclusive, professional, and culturally competent team.
Overtly and repeatedly uses the phrase “truthfully” when speaking on almost every topic, an indication of a pathological liar, as to overcompensate for her actual agenda. Makes references to retaliatory and revengeful tactics of former acquaintances.
Not to be trusted based upon words, actions, and lack of action in advocating for gay and transgender rights within the organizational department for which they have been designated to be a manager of. Places self-worth in materialistic items. Has a poor self-image regarding beauty.
Has received training on gender identity and sexuality discrimination in the workplace but does not adhere to those principles because they think all gay people are like their one gay friend, who they talk about constantly in my presence while I am trying to work as if the friend of which they are speaking is an accessory as opposed to a human being, and as if it is relevant to my life. Has daddy issues and speaks openly about her personal family issues in a bullpen office workplace setting, so everyone has to hear her speak.
Subject B
A cis-het technologically challenged freelance client, an insecure small business owner, a near Boomer age woman aging in the entertainment industry consumed by vanity and keeping up appearances as opposed to be authentically kind, of below average intelligence level, says she is politically liberal yet communicates microagressions repeatedly regarding gender identity and sexuality and tries to pawn them off by laughing, makes light of serious safety concerns regarding transgender identities, asks intrusive questions about gay people’s personal relationship dynamics.
Attempts to obtain and project a false sense of having more affiliation than there is with another colleague of mine; clocked that real fast. Materialistic, boy mom, a recovering addict, a cancer survivor who mocks the pain and suffering of others (that I will never understand).
Does not return messages promptly and does not pay on time.
Has a very real insecurity when it comes to receiving business consultation advice from a gay transgender man. Led a team on a show that had many a transgender and non-binary person on it and has received training on gender identity and sexuality discrimination in the workplace but does not adhere to those same principles when in a non-union environment. Contracted for one website; was offered a highly discounted rate because a colleague referred me to someone who did not know the depths of this individual’s personal and professional insecurities. Places value and self-worth in false idols. Aligns with problematic capitalist clientele of businesspeople with delusions of grandeur.
Overtly religious.
Examples of Psychopathy While Working Together With Me as a Transgender Man
Subject A
Upon receiving constructive leadership criticism from a transgender professional:
Becomes quiet, increasingly visibly incensed, and has their confidence shaken when informed that what they think is a business win is, in fact, not. When informed that, in business, you do not have the client until the contract has been executed, and then realizes they have extended free strategy for months prior to my start at this office, solely because they were too enamored with celebrity clientele to actually and successfully negotiate and land them and their team as a paying client.
Being schooled on business strategy by a gay transgender man who is a former marketing agency founder of nearly a decade appears as if they do not appreciate gaining wisdom from me but rather are choosing to take it personally, as they are professionally embarrassed by their own strategic shortcomings.
Upon requesting time off:
Upon sharing news of my receiving a travel gift from my partner for a special occasion and requesting time off, they again become quiet, and noticeably incensed that the partner of a gay transgender person is taking them on a trip to which they are envious.
Upon being told employees under their management are perpetuating homophobia and transphobia in the office:
They defend the homophobic and transphobic behavior of their cis-het male subordinates and increase that of themselves, always attempting to pawn off their comments as “jokes” because they “have gay and trans friends”.
Upon being treated accordingly:
Every time they are spoken to as an equal by me as a gay transgender man, they find rage in it because they are internally operating with the thought that they are above someone who holds my identity. They complain to HR, stating that they no longer can speak about their subordinate’s homophobic and transphobic behavior, as it affects you as a transgender staff member and your job performance because they simply are attempting to phase you out of the company as you refuse to take any transphobic or any homophobic treatment, period and acknoweldeging that they are actively and purposefully creating an environment that not only encourages homophoia and transphobia but rewards employees who operate in this manner.
That is the point where the true cowardice and tribal mentality of groupthink and hate really amp up against me as their then gay transgender colleague, when someone like myself refuses to be treated less than. So they try to reinforce the bad behavior rather than take actual accountability for their conscious bias.
Single White Female Behavioral Parallels:
Obsessive Mirroring: Coming into work the day after you start wearing your eyeglasses again to work for the first time after wearing contacts for months, then they come into work the next day with their own exact pair of the same glasses in an attempt to mimic your appearance and/or make themself appear as if they are smarter than perhaps how they feel about themself. That is when they do not actually need eyeglass lenses.
The physical mimicking gets clocked real fast on my end now because it’s just so see-through.
Extreme Jealousy: Attempts at social exclusion in the working environment, for example, this very same cis-het supervisor asked me one day what I had for dinner the night before — out of nowhere, which I found rather odd. I said Dominos, the second the pizza brand name left my mouth, this individual goes in “oh pizza sounds great! I’m gonna get everyone pizza for lunch today.” then proceeds to ask everyone in the office there favorite pizza and purposefully leaves you out (in the moment I knew what was happening and what was coming up next, again its often quite see-through the behavior of cis-het psychopaths) only to then individually go up to each coworker except myself and to invite them into the next room to eat pizza together, with me eventually being the sole employee not invited to have lunch with my coworkers and sitting to have lunch alone in the other office. That is where, again, I experienced the lack of maturity and the clear agenda of othering and exclusion of myself as a gay transgender work colleague.
There are many more instances here regarding this individual and their recruiting of their extended professional network into online gang-stalking both during and after my employment; however, I can only include what I can here. Frankly, I do not want to relive it all, and no one’s paying to read this article, so I’m not putting myself through extended trauma in literature unless I am being financially compensated, as it works against my CPTSD.
In saying that, here’s a great place to reinforce that if you are reading this article, you are now learning from a gay transgender professional, who you can support by simply sharing their unpaid work, which would be most appreciated.
Again, thank you for being here and for being open-minded enough to consider my lived experience to attempt to learn from it.
Subject B
Upon realizing my professional skillset:
Extreme Jealousy and Isolation: Noticeably impressed, and then, over time, listening to the cracks in their confidence emerge as I delved into the digital functions of their personal brand and online business presence. As the working project progresses, so do the microaggressions directed at me. The timing of them always follows after I have provided a lengthy technical description of the tasks that need to be accomplished and are in the process of being facilitated, as if, when I speak from a knowledgeable base that they do not have themselves, it is something they are visibly intimidated by.
They continue to make ignorant comments and/or “jokes” to diminish or dismiss my intelligence and expertise in the work at hand.
Upon asking intrusive questions about my personal life:
Overstepping Personal Boundaries: A cis-het woman asking a gay man about his relationship in the sense of “who cooks and cleans” is a tell-tale sign of a male-centered woman attempting to project stereotypical gender roles upon my gay relationship because that is the lens in which she views the world — a patriarchal non-intersectional feminist. Gross, and frankly, none of her or anyone else’s business, for that matter.
Snooping: Asking why I seem down one day only to then mock why as it relates to my gender identity. To be asked as a transgender person why you are a little down one day by a cis-het woman who is a business client and then to reply because you are looking forward to going to Hawaii with your partner but are very concerned that you will be taken by ICE while going through airport security body scanners, to have the response be “well I wish we could just dress you up as a woman!” and then to have this cis-het woman laugh about it, while again taking this meeting in my place of residence, having invited this vampire in, the audacity, but more so the stupidity and hatefulness there, vile.
In my lived experience, it has been apparent that cis-het psychopathic women are far more brazen with their verbal hateful communications. In contrast, the cis-het male psychopaths I have dealt with are more cowardly and/or cunning about how to discuss identity outwardly. Male-centered psychopathic cis-het women think they will not incur repercussions simply because they are women. The thing is, I do not care about your gender; I will treat you accordingly, and you will not enjoy that as a cis-het psychopathic woman regarding me specifically because I can clock and call out your poor transphobic and homophobic conduct in ways that will make you question yourself.
Again, I would rather not have to go there, you know?
Being culturally competent and not a piece of garbage human is totally possible, with effort, time, and intention, just saying.
Upon lacking business and creative direction:
Obsessive Mirroring: I noticed a pattern here, along with a few other alarming traits. The constant need to throne themselves next to others who have achieved professional accomplishments in an attempt to be seen as on the same professional or contacts level; this is also known as clout-chasing.
While contracting with this individual on one project, I witnessed them living in the comments sections of many frenemies’ posts, as well as on another client’s posts.
As a publicist, I see what type of fake-niceness and strategic black hat strategy this is, and I do not respect or condone it.
That is how a psychopath functions; they need constant external validation as they are in constant question of their own place and validity within this world and are in a constant one-sided mental competition with where they can not fully be confident within their own identity. Often, they are likely lacking in terms of wealth, power, self-confidence, self-love, body image positivity, sexual confidence, and/or outside recognition in the world, and they know this and hate this about themselves, so their attention turns outward because they feel less shame when focusing on others as opposed to the reality of themselves.
Upon being treated accordingly:
Not always do psychopaths anticipate this, because they have assumed weakness about someone who holds my intersectional identity of being a gay transgender feminist. Upon realizing this was not the move, communication delays begin, and they grow quiet, as if they think time passing will allow their hateful words to go unnoticed. Ha.
Gaslighting: Says, “I wasn’t sure if you hated me.” During a project completion recap business phone conversation, in an attempt to bait me into a dramatic conversation that I did not enter. All things considered, all work had been completed at that time, and an invoice had already been submitted. I did not take the bait they were trying to set out into the world to manipulate the situation back in their favor.
From my experience with those who have narcissistic personality disorder, it is best to implement the grey-rock method, and at this point in the dynamic, I did just that.
There was an extended silence, only just long enough to make them feel uncomfortable, and then I changed the topic to confirm that the invoice had been sent.
At that moment, it’s hard for them to read my emotions because psychopaths do not at all have emotions come to them naturally; they are known for mimicking behavior and asking questions that seek to manipulate topics in their favor for this reason.
That tactic does not work on my INTJ personality. I politely wrap the call, knowing I never intend to associate with this individual again, and they are unaware of this. I receive payment after another 24-hour delay. I block their phone number and email, as I am no longer available for the abusive workplace treatment from those who project in an attempt to boost something within themselves that they feel they are lacking. Peddle that nonsense elsewhere, thank you.
Psychopaths only feel power when they think they are above others, regularly they are functioning as a facade of human devoid of their own emotions, sense of identity and self worth so, naturally I see when those who hold this personality disorder think they’ll will come over in my direction with that nonsensical behavior and that it will work tend to be the most irrate and problematic when they realize that does not at all work on me as I have mastered my sense of self and that they have yet to do so.
Single White Female Behavioral Parallels:
Obsessive Mirroring: Asking me, as a contractor, to copy nearly word-for-word and color swatch for color swatch, in addition to copying the entire structural layout of another business’ website in the same profession, again reflects a psychopathic trait of mimicry and an overall lack of personal brand identity and direction.
A psychopath: when you deal with them, you will soon learn they are often devoid of both a sense of self and a sense of confidence. When someone affiliated with this condition has no personal direction, they have no personal connection to themselves, their identity, their life, their body, and/or their business strategy, and just plain original talent. That is one example of mimicking; there are many others.
Results and Consequences
Subject A
I accepted a financial settlement and signed an NDA.
I had only chosen this route as I had just started this job after recovering from top surgery and was not physically up for fighting a lawsuit while I was again having to undertake locating new employment.
To this day, I can see that this individual has used their personal IP address to provide my contact information to multiple business loan offices and solicitors, and does so at the same time each year. I have been bombarded with phone calls, texts, and emails that I simply ignore. But that, due to this psychopath’s vindictive impulses, wastes the time of many unsuspecting financial professionals who are simply seeking to do their jobs.
That said, I have been documenting all retaliatory activity in the wake of their pettiness, stupidity, psychopathy, and my separation from the organization.
Subject B
I am no longer available.
I will clearly never be available to this individual in the future either.
In Conclusion
In society, when we hear the word psychopath, rarely do we associate it with women. Heterosexual cisgender women are often portrayed in society as not being potentially as criminally conniving and/or dangerous as cisgender men, but the thing is, here in my case, these two were and are exactly just that.
In the cases of these two psychopathic cis-het male-centered women, they both wanted to appear as if their hands were not dirty. As a gay transgender man and publicist, I am far from ignorant.
I see through the bullshit of those who are purposefully mean, exclusionary, and judgmental of others who hold a different gender identity and/or sexuality from them and who hold a solid understanding and confidence within their own identity regardless, and I’m calling it out.
That’s highly psychopathic and not normal behavior for anyone in any form of professional and/or leadership role.
In my lived experience, cis-het male-centered women are much more likely to display obvious psychopathic behavior in the presence of a gay transgender man such as myself who is both above their intelligence and technical capabilities and who treats them as an equal to start because they do not want to think of someone like gay or transgender, let alone both, as an equal human being.
After all, I have made them self-reflect simply by showing that it is possible to both question and upgrade both your sexuality, gender identities, and professional skillset should one feel compelled to do so, as I have in life and as they have not.
That’s the problem right there with psychopaths who are transphobic and homophobic: they hate to be considered as an equal by someone whose gender identity and sexuality they think is beneath that of their own. It gets under their skin: the idea of humanity for someone who is AFAB and has quite obviously overcome many challenging life circumstances, emerging from them more confident, skilled, well-spoken, with an increased media presence and far more professionalism and decorum than they have ever had in their lifetimes.
I’d say I feel sorry for someone who lives that, but I don’t.
I want agenda-driven transphobic, homophobic, psychopathic, deeply unhealed cis-het women with chips on their shoulders concerning their Daddy issues and/or addiction issues to go to therapy. Remain far away from my gay transgender excellence because clearly it’s hard for you to treat people like myself or who you feel professionally insecure around with basic human kindness.
One thing I wish male-centered women knew was that, as a gay transgender man, I wish you had more self-respect and inner confidence because when you find entertainment in the pain and suffering of others, that’s deeply sad regarding yourself — not the people whose pain in life you seek entertainment in the mocking of.
In this world, we are not all in competition with one another.
Save the cis-het male-centered identity insecurity drama for your television set, psychopaths.
Consider raising your level of consciousness, and perhaps one day you will have the capacity to meet transgender professionals such as myself, where we live, which is in the realm of self-awareness and in knowing that all transgender people are deserving of human rights, civil rights, and non-discriminatory workplace environments where cisgender people do not weaponize their insecurities against our transgender excellence.
ABOUT DYLAN THOMAS COTTER:
Rebel with a cause, driven by authenticity, self-expression, and liberation for all.
Dylan Thomas Cotter is a strategist, public relations leader, and brand communications executive with more than fifteen years of experience at the intersection of entertainment, media, and technology.
Cotter is known for securing numerous Tier 1 (top-tier) and Tier 2 media placements across key markets including but not limited to GQ, Rolling Stone, Out Magazine, The Advocate, Pride, Inked Magazine, Real Simple, VICE, KTLA, Reader’s Digest, Mashable, Yahoo! News, Yahoo! Life UK, Newsweek, Men’s Health, Parade Magazine, Betches, U.S. News & World Report, Women’s Health Magazine, NursingColleges.com, Women.com, South China Morning Post, Truthout, MIC, The Manual, Curl Magazine, International Business Times UK, TechRound, GB News, The Irish Star US, The Mirror, MSN and AOL.
Cotter is an advisor to founders, artists, and executives on brand positioning, reputation, corporate social responsibility, and strategic communications. As an openly gay transgender professional, Dylan Thomas Cotter is committed to fostering inclusive, respectful, and affirming work environments.
His latest book, THINK LIKE A TRANSGENDER THOUGHT LEADER, is out now, and his memoir, TRANSGENDER & TRIGGERING THE LIFE OF DYLAN THOMAS COTTER, is available now at Barnes & Noble, Harvard Book Store, Book Soup, and Skylight Books, amongst other fine retailers, and is distributed worldwide through IngramSpark.